By: John Silva – March 13, 2019
| Vincent van Gogh The Starry Night Post-Impressionism – 1889 | O Holy Night… The stars are brightly shining… It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth.In the bottom center of the painting, do you see the small church with its tall steeple pointing at that dynamic and agitated sky? Could it be? Could Vincent have been thinking of the night Jesus was born when he painted The Starry Night |
| Grant Wood American Gothic Regionalism – 1930 | I hate it when you give me the silent treatment.If I ever get reincarnated… one thing is certain. I’m not coming back as a farmer.I hate it when you act so pious, self-righteous, and smug.The kids are gone… and we are finally alone. What would you like to do? I don’t know. What would you like to do? I don’t know either… I don’t remember what we liked to do before we had all of those kids… BUMMER! |
| Gustav Klimt Art Nouveau – 1907 | I really like your kisses… but enough is enough… my neck and back are killing me.Elvira, may I please bite your neck and drink some of your delicious blood. Oh, Boris… you are always so polite. |
| Michelangelo David Neoclassical – 1504 | I wish the bus would get here soon… I am sooooo late for work.Does anyone else feel a breeze? A towel… A towel… my kingdom for a towel.Who left the door open? Can’t a guy get a little privacy?OK, who’s the wise guy?… which one of you bozos took my clothes? |
Saturday in the Park Pointillism – 1885 | Oh Fred, darling… I’m afraid I need to see the doctor again. My spondylolisthesis is out of control and it makes my bum look funny. Hey, Doc… what’s wrong with me? All I can see are dots. |
The Great Wave woodblock print | Sharon, how would you like to be in one of the three fishing boats about to be capsized?Hey, Joe… did you shut the windows before you left the house this morning?Chuck, did I send in the life insurance premiums? I can’t recall,Captain, did you say all of the life preservers were put on the other boats? |
I was just sitting here, and now I’m covered in green paint. How did that happen?Do you think she loves me? Or, is she just playing me?Should I get a Lamborghini or a Maserati?She loves me. She loves me not. Which is it? I’m not sure.I’ve got to find it. And, I mean like NOW! How could it just disappear? I know I bought the Imodium… I just can’t remember where I put it.I’ve been constipated before, but this is ridiculous.Which is true? We were created by God. Or, did everything evolve from nothing? How can I believe in something I can’t see or feel or talk to someone who isn’t there? What are the odds we evolved? | |
| I know what you did last summer.Say, Linda… When do you think I should tell Leo I’ve got his bun in my oven?Judy, do you know why they call her the Mona Lisa? Of course! Easy, peasy! She’s moaning because she’s trying to hold it in, and she’s not sure she’s gonna make it. She’s wondering if she should make a dash for the loo right now, or wait until everyone has left the room in case she doesn’t make it. And then, there’s the real question: Is it just just gas or the real deal?OK. Which one of you forgot to flush?Was it you that came into my room last night and made such terrific love with me and really rocked my boat?I wonder if he’s wearing boxers or briefs?Are you kidding me? Aliens? Aliens ate my lunch. You have got to be kidding me. How rude. | |
| Darn cheap guitar! I knew the price was too good to be true. I guess they’re right. You get what you pay for.The strings keep breaking, and I have to press so hard on the strings my fingers are in pain.Would somebody please turn up the heat? I’m so cold. I think I’m turning blue.Remind me not to take yoga lessons before guitar class. I’m so stiff I can hardly strum a chord.I knew better than to eat that entire three-pound box of chocolates. I hope I can get to the John before I explode Trust me… sleep deprivation is not good for you.Hey Picasso, it’s only a painting… no need to get bent out of shape. | |
| Aubrey Berdsley self portrait Art Nouveau – 1892 | Hmm… should I go for the inside straight?I wonder what she would say if I asked her to go out with me?Ma, why can’t I comb my hair like the other boys? Because I said so!Wait… wait… don’t tell me. I know it! The square root of 23,164,969 is 4,813.What! What do you mean you are not having a good time? Do you know how much I paid for front row center seats to see this opera?I wonder if I’m overdressed for the beach party? |
The Scream 1893 | Oh no… I forgot my wallet.Don’t tell me… let me guess… you didn’t have a good day at the casino.Are you sure the doctor said we are going to have triplets?Really? You locked the keys in the car… and the motor is still running? |
| Peter Max Cosmic Art 60’s Pop Art | Holy cow, this is full blown, one hundred percent, technicolor, and then some!Life is good. I love it.Wow… this is really good weed. I didn’t realize the universe was so beautiful. |
Venus de Milo Classical – 150 BC | Caesar… you are a wonderful lover… but you’re gonna have to lay off the rough stuff. Zeus, when we do karate… I just go to pieces for you.Apollo and Eros if you are going to continue being my lovers, no more tug-a-wars… got it?I guess I should be thankful. I could have lost my head. Did anybody see my arms? They were here just a minute ago. |
| Salvador Dali The Persistence of Memory Surrealism – 1931 | Salvador! I don’t want your friends coming over here any more. They just lay around, and look at what they’ve done to the clocks.Sally, stop bringing home “souvenirs” from the Time MuseumHey, Murial, look what the cat just dragged in.Salvador, see what happens when you leave your stuff laying around… it melts. Next time listen to your mother.Salvador, you can’t just lay around all day. Get up and get off of the floor. I thought I told you don’t stay up too late… you are a growing boy, and you need your sleep. |
| Alphonse Mucha Four Seasons panel | I can’t remember when I was this happy… life is so wonderful.Tiny Tim… would you care to tiptoe through the tulips with me?Oh, darling, I get so excited when you let me pluck your harp.I love to run barefoot through the forest. It’s so much fun to sing and chase the fairies.If I can just soothe this giant ogre with my music maybe he’ll fall asleep and I can escape… Now,where did that goose go?Amy, how do you like my new song? I call it You ain’t nothing but a harp plucker. |