Or, why are we here? Or, does life have meaning? Or, what’s it all about Alfie? Or, who cares. Just tell me. I Really want to Know.
By: John Silva – February 2017
If you want to get more out of life… consider being a giver and a receiver. If you only give you are only getting half of what life has to offer. If you just receive you miss out on the joy of giving and the other half of life. And, some people that can’t give or receive may be headed for a life of loneliness, depression or worse.
So, how does this play out in real life? Suppose someone sees an opportunity to do something nice for someone else, and they do it… they are choosing to be a giver… or if you like… trying in their own small way to make the world a better place in which to live. The beneficiary of this thoughtfulness is now a receiver. And, if someone offers you a kindness and you accept, you then also become the receiver and they become the giver.
If you have a hard time accepting help or kindness, consider this… without receivers, there can be no givers. So, when someone is sincere and offers to help you or give you a gift or wants to do an act of kindness just for you, do your best to accept their thoughtfulness or generosity. Remember, often the best response is just a simple “Thank You.”
Some seemingly well-intentioned people are always giving to others. But, some of these givers are poor receivers. Some will do something nice for someone at the drop of a hat, but when that someone tries to do something nice for them they won’t let them. How often have you heard, “I couldn’t possibly let you do that for me. ”Refusing an act of kindness can generate a negative reaction. People offering an act of kindness often don’t understand why their offer is being refused, and sometimes their feelings are hurt. The following is a sampling of how refusing a kindness might be interpreted.
- Is what I’ve offered without value? (Rejection)
- This seems to be a double standard. He can be thoughtful, but I can’t. (Unfair)
- Am I getting blown off? (Question)
- They get joy and happiness from giving gifts, why are they denying me the same opportunity? (Selfish)
- I feel like a fool. I won’t do that again. (Embarrassed)
- Who does she think she is to refuse my offer? (Pompous)
- Are only rich people permitted to be thoughtful or generous? (Arrogant)
- You may have more than me, but I should be given the same respect I give to you. (Resentful)
- That person is so rude! (Poor manners)
When someone offers you a gift or kindness, these acts of giving are not made lightly. Therefore, before refusing someone’s offer of assistance, consider how such a response would make you feel.
And, if someone says “Oh, I couldn’t possibly allow you to do that for me”, consider a gentle response like “A simple thank you is enough” or the correct response to an offer of help or assistance could be “how kind and thoughtful you are.” As a result, you could both be on your way to forming a lifelong friendship… or not.
Wow! Where did all that come from?
If you are wondering why I wrote this piece, it all began about fifty years ago when someone showed our youth group a short film. I think the title was Nail Soup. The story takes place outside a row of five-story tenements in a part of town which has seen better days. Inside, we find ourselves in an eerie, silent, empty five-story stairwell. The doors to all of the apartments are all closed. The silence is broken by a loud jangling noise and soon, up and down the stairway heads appear from some of the doorways. Eventually, Rosie, one of the more crotchety and uninhibited tenants, knocks on the door where the noise is coming from and squawks out “What’s that noise? What are you doing in there?
As most of the people are elderly and hard of hearing, the cook shouts “come in and see for yourself.” Soon Rosie is peering into a large pot of boiling water in which the cook is jangling a nail from a piece of string which is rattling about in the pot. She squawks again. “What are you doing?”
The cook says “I’m making a big kettle of nail soup.” Rosie says “I’ve never heard of such a thing.” The cook says “It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing… but, if I only had a carrot or two it would be so much better. Rosie leaves the apartment and returns saying “Look what I found… two carrots. Ellie, who lives one floor up, is edging into the open doorway, and she is also invited into the apartment. Soon she leaves and returns with two potatoes. Rachel sees Harold peeking out his door and says “Harold… let’s go and see what’s going on. A short time later, Rachel adds two onions and Harold adds a chopped up head of cabbage to the boiling pot.
Soon the nail soup’s aroma can be smelled throughout the building, and the cook’s apartment is filled with people, and the huge pot is overflowing with vegetables and even a few chunks of meat. Without being observed, someone has placed a whole loaf of bread on the table. And, some small cakes and a pie have also magically appeared. The movie ends with everyone enjoying a wonderful meal and their neighbors.
Have you ever wondered… why are we here? It might be because we are here to serve and to shine light into the dark places. Each of us has the option to be an infectious and contagious catalyst… someone who can light up a room or just help someone to smile. We can all reach out and offer comfort, joy, and friendship to a stranger. Or, you could let a mother, who is desperately trying to wrangle her youngster into some form of compliance, into the line ahead of you rather than behind you, or hold a door open for an aging neighbor, a single mom, a teenager or a child. A neighbor, or… whatever. Take your pick, the opportunities are endless.
For a plethora of suggestions and opportunities, try finding a copy of Random Acts of Kindness (it may have to be a used book as it is out of print) and then write your own book… and pass it on.
You don’t have to be a superstar or a hero… sometimes, just being a friend is enough. You can challenge yourself to intentionally reach out with joy in your heart and touch someone’s life. If you are brave enough., select a grouch or a curmudgeon, and see if you can shine a little light into their darkness. Challenge yourself!
The results may give you a warm feeling deep in your soul… or not. Life rarely comes with guarantees. Sometimes the best you can do just isn’t good enough. Be patient. Maybe, you just need to let go… and let God or get a magic feather to hold with your trunk to help you fly. Or, maybe you just need more ability and confidence which will come with time. If you are running when you should be walking you can get ahead of yourself and fall. If that happens, you can usually wait for the next opportunity.
At some point, we are all going to have to cash in our chips. And, when our time arrives, as it surely will, let’s enter eternity with a smile on our face and no regrets.
Sometimes, something or someone comes into your life and changes you forever. And, they may not even be aware of what they have done. Such a person came into my life at a family reunion a thousand miles from home on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. By his example and his gentle caring spirit, he effortlessly demonstrated the joy of serving. I can still picture him with the palms of his hands together as if in prayer and his head bowed and his body bent slightly forward in an almost reverent pose saying, I am here to serve. The first time I saw him do this, I thought it was a joke, but it wasn’t. He did this frequently… It was part of his life. You just had to look into his eyes and observe his actions to know he was sincere and he meant every word.
Without further ado and with deep appreciation, I dedicate this essay to Doctor Richard Watson M.D.
To date, I have now made seventy-four trips around the sun, and it is clear to me that the remainder of trips that I have left are finite and at some point they will cease to exist and so will I.
In the past, I rarely thought about dying. But, as I see my family and friends leaving this life and proceeding to the great beyond without me. It is clear that I have a lot less time than I used to have… I think its called running out of sidewalk. So, with the remaining time left before I meet my creator… I want to work on being a giver and a receiver. I think this is the best way for me to use the time that I have left.
May God be with you… and as only the Irish can express such poetic wisdom…
May the wind always be at your back. And, may the sun shine warm upon your face…
I hope you will be inspired to Dream the Impossible Dream and to Climb every mountain and reach out and touch somebody’s life… each of us have unique opportunities to make a difference.
In closing, May I help you?