A Journal Through Time
By: John Silva – March 2018
The following essay deals with relationships and gender communications.. Both verbal and nonverbal. Try closing your eyes and let yourself drift back in time. Focus on what you enjoyed and looked forward to doing when you were younger. Go back into your memory vault to various periods in your life and document what you were feeling and examine your values, hopes, and desires.
For example, what were you feeling when you experienced your first romance? Perhaps, it was in your teen years. Later when you were in your twenties and thirties did those feelings continue? Did they get stronger or did they fade? What were your needs during this period of your life? What memories do you have of when children entered your lives… or not? Were friends important? When you were in your forties and fifties, what joys or pressures did you have in your life? Did you focus on your vocation and goals? Did you travel? Were fine dining and entertainment important to you? And, finally, what gave you pause in your remaining years? What was important to you as you centered yourself in the so-called Golden Years? Did you plan for retirement? Did death have an impact on your life? Try to imagine what effect gender has had on how you experienced life from the viewpoint of a giver and then as a receiver.
Following are some experiences to help you get the most from your walk down memory lane. Each situation has at least two responses. One given by him and one received by her, and one given by her and received by him. Are there others? Think of a situation that turned out differently than you expected. Examine when he did something, and how she responded? What did she feel?
When she did something, and how did he respond? What did he feel?
Think of someone you cared about in the past and try to recall what you felt when you experienced the following situations. What did you do? What hopes did you have? Did your feelings change? How? What would you change if you could?
Memory Lane
Its your first date, and you go for a walk after a nice dinner. You gently reach out and touch his hand. Can you remember what signal you were trying to send? Did he get it right? Or, did he miss it entirely?
You are on a date at the show, and you put your arm around her. What signal are you trying to send? What do you hope will happen? Is she aware of the message you are sending?
When she initiates, what signal does she hope to get from him?
How does holding both hands in your hands change things. What kind of signal does interlacing your fingers have on both of you?
Other situations you might want to include in your journal might include kissing, french kissing, touching, petting, intimate contact, penetration, etc.
Making a serious attempt to write down your memories will give you a benchmark by which
you can evaluate future experiences and hopefully make meaningful and competent decisions.